Think Before You Act

On a summer time day, it was extremely popular. The temperature was greater than ninety eight levels Fahrenheit. I went to a seashore occasion in Port-au-Prince. The seashore was full of individuals, bushes, and rocks. It was wonderful and superior. On the seashore, I noticed a younger woman. I approached her. “What’s your identify?” I requested her.

She stated, “My identify is Mary.”

Her voice was so wonderful and exquisite. I presumably felt that it was the primary time that I heard a phenomenal voice like that. Her eyes had been inexperienced. Her hair was darkish, and the colour of her pores and skin was pink. She was very tall and horny.

Mary and I continued to speak to one another. We obtained to know one another just a little bit, we alternate telephone numbers, and we grew to become buddies. Whereas we had been speaking to one another, we noticed a black man. He was very tall and massive. Mary pointed her finger at him. “His identify is Jean,” stated Mary. “He’s one in every of my greatest buddies.” She known as him. She launched him to me. I talked to him, exchanging telephone numbers with him, and I grew to become buddies with him too.

It was getting darkish. Mary, Jean, and I left the seashore. Whereas we had been strolling on the road, we continued to speak to one another. Once we arrived at Rue de Champ-de-Mars, we stated goodbye to one another. And we diverged.

After I arrived residence, I laid down on my mattress. I might really feel inside my coronary heart that I obtained satisfied that Mary appeared to be the sort of lady whom I had been searching for, however part of me stated no. I stored fascinated about how I might higher the connection between me and Mary. After a few hours, I fell asleep.

The subsequent day had come. I known as Mary as a result of I wished to get to know her higher. She advised me that she was sixteen. She can be in eleventh grade. She deliberate to review drugs after she graduated highschool. After I requested her, did she have a boyfriend? She responded, “No.” She stated that Raymond Pierre, her father, died in a automobile accident. He died when she was seven. She was raised by a single mom named Malucia Pierre. She went on to say that her mom was thirty-eight-years-old. She was a nurse. She had additionally studied finance on the Universite d’Etat d’Haiti.

She additionally advised me that she didn’t have any sister or brother, however she had a niece named Jenny. Jenny, Mary mom’s son’s child, was eleven-years-old, and he or she was in her final yr in elementary college. Each her father and her mom died since she was three-years-old. They died in a bike accident in Gonaives. Mary stated that Jenny was raised by her mom, they usually grew up collectively. Because of this, she thought-about Jenny as her sister.

She went on to inform me that she appreciated and used to go to a discipline journey yearly or each Valentine’s Day. It at all times came about at a backyard named the Backyard of Paradise. This backyard was the place she and Jean met. She used to go there together with her mom, they usually used to sit down by a statue, having nice conversations about their private experiences and issues or about their private lives. The statue was one in every of a person named Jean Jacques Dessalines hugging together with his spouse named Marie-Claire Heureuse Félicité. “Final yr, my niece went to the sphere journey with my mom and me,” she stated. “We had a good time collectively. My mom was so excited. Nonetheless, we used to really feel so lonely as a result of we did not have any intimate companionship or accomplice with us whereas virtually all individuals within the discipline journey had their intimate companions with them; consequently, I used to really feel that I used to be in want of a accomplice as my mom each time I went to the sphere journey.”

I advised Mary that I used to be seventeen. I’d be a senior at Lycee Fabre Gefrard Excessive College, and I deliberate to go to school to review accounting and enterprise administration after I graduated. I didn’t have a girlfriend. I advised her that my father additionally died. Renel Paulynice, my father, died of a coronary heart assault since I used to be three-years- previous. I used to be raised by a single mom. My mom was named Esperantha Aimable. She was forty-one-years-old. She was a math instructor at La Belle Souers Des Unis Faculty. She had studied arithmetic and training on the Universite D’etat D’Haiti.

“I haven’t got any sister or brother,” I additionally advised her.

I known as Jean after a few days. He advised me that he had already graduated highschool. He was twenty-years-old. He presently studied biology on the College d’Etat d’Haiti. After I requested him to inform me just a little bit about Mary, he responded that Mary was completely nice. She was good. She was within the prime 5 % of her class. She had an excellent popularity in highschool for being respectful to everybody. “She is my greatest buddy,” he stated.

For all my life, I had been in all places searching for a sensible and respectful lady, a lady who had an incredible imaginative and prescient as I did, however I couldn’t discover her. Nonetheless, after Jean advised me how Mary was good and respectful, I spotted that Mary was completely the sort of lady whom I had been searching for.

The connection between me and Mary began getting higher, however I wasn’t courageous. We known as one another each day. Each weekend, we went to cinema, dinner, theater, museum, live performance, or basketball sport collectively. There have been occasions that we spent occasions in a park known as Nationwide Historical past Park, which consisted of the Sans-Souci Palace, the Citadelle Laferrière, and the buildings of Ramiers, speaking to one another about what we wished to do with our lives or what sort of individual that we wish to date. Luckily, our factors of views had been comparable in some ways, and Mary appeared to have the vast majority of the qualities that I actually wished from a lady primarily based on what she advised me after we shared concepts collectively. Each time I used to be together with her, I might really feel that my coronary heart was beating quickly. It was arduous for me to take a look at her deeply in her eyes. I might really feel profoundly that there have been some transformations that effectuated inside me that I used to be incapable of describing, however telling her how I felt was my largest weak spot or downside. Probably the most painful or the weakest factor that I might ever expertise in my life was that I didn’t have sufficient bravery to let her understand how I felt.

There have been occasions that we went out with Jean. Once we requested him about what sort of lady that he appreciated thus far, he used to reply comically, “I wish to date a really massive fats tall woman like me.” Nonetheless, essentially the most attention-grabbing half was that Jean wished thus far an informed lady, a lady who had an incredible imaginative and prescient as he did. Desperately, Jean at all times stated that he thought that he would by no means discover a lady who actually appreciated him as a result of most of his classmates stored calling him “massive fats ugly tall man”. Along with that, he had been rejected by each lady that he talked to; consequently, he grew to become afraid of expressing his feeling to any lady that he appreciated. We at all times stated to Jean as a manner of encouraging him, “Everybody was made to be cherished by somebody. However discovering this individual shouldn’t be simple. It requires a whole lot of time, hope, or endurance.” He used to chortle out loudly each time we stated that to him as he had the hope that he would discover somebody who cherished him. Mary and I used to chortle out loudly too.

I used to speak to an previous man named Jacques Pierre. Jacques Pierre, my neighbor, was seventy-years-old. He was the daddy or grandfather of greater than thirty youngsters. He was very quick and had lengthy white beard and white hair. He revered me as I used to be an previous man like him as a result of I actually revered him, and I used to be recognized by everybody as a respectful younger man. He thought-about me as his son. We used to joke, speaking to one another about our private experiences. Jacques was recognized by everybody as an skilled advisor as a result of he appreciated to advise different individuals or advised them about what he went by means of in life and what classes that he discovered from them in order that others might additionally be taught from them to keep away from comparable issues which will occur to them sooner or later. Someday, I known as him and advised him that I had an issue. I wished his assist.

“It’s okay my son,” he responded. “What do you want my recommendation about?”

I responded, “About relationship.”

He stated, “Okay.”

“Are you residence?” I requested him.

He stated, “Sure.”

“I’m coming to see you,” I responded to him.

He stated, “I’m ready for you.”

I walked rapidly. After I arrived, I knocked on the door of Pierre’s room. He opened

the door and stated to me, “Hey son, how are you doing?”

“I’m doing okay,” I responded to him as I entered in his room.

Pierre’s room was very giant and lengthy. It had two followers. One of many followers was in entrance of Pierre’s mattress, and the opposite one was in entrance of his radio. His room had just one radio and one TV. The radio was enjoying a love music titled “While you love somebody” by Bryan Adams. The tv was on the desk and was enjoying a love film titled Romeo and Juliet. The desk had a whole lot of books and journal papers that Pierre appreciated to learn. He discovered a whole lot of life classes from studying these books, and he appreciated to share these classes with different individuals. The ground of his room was coated with a blue carpet, and the wall was portray with a phenomenal blue paint. His mattress was additionally coated with a blue blanket and had a white pillow on it. Beside the mattress, there was a black chair.

“You may sit on this chair my son,” Pierre stated to me fortunately.

“Thanks Mr. Pierre,” I responded to him as I grabbed the chair to position it someplace that was extra acceptable in order that I might sit on it.

“What do you want my recommendation about?” he requested me.

I advised Jacques Pierre, “There’s a lady whom I actually like, however I do not know how you can method her. I’m afraid to inform her how I really feel. I’m afraid of rejection. The sensation begins getting stronger,

and I am unable to deal with it. I do not know what to do.”

“My son, once I was in your age, I was like that,” he responded to me, “and I actually know what you are speaking about. That is my recommendation to you my son. It’s higher to inform somebody how you are feeling as a substitute of dying with a sense in your coronary heart since you by no means understand how the opposite individual feels. If you happen to do not inform her how you are feeling, how will she know that you just like her? Act like a person. It’s your job. Be fearless. Do not be afraid of rejection. Inform her how you are feeling. The longer you disguise this sense secretly to your self is the stronger that it turns into.”

I responded to him, “Thanks a lot daddy. I’ll.”

I shook Jacques’s hand, hugged him, and stated goodbye to him.

He responded, “Bye.”

After I arrived residence, I laid down on my mattress and took a deep breath. I stated to myself, “It’s higher to inform somebody how you are feeling as a substitute of dying with a sense in your coronary heart since you by no means understand how the opposite individual feels. If you happen to do not inform her how you are feeling, how will she know that you just like her? “After a few seconds, I spotted one thing, and I discovered from it. I discovered from what Jacques Pierre advised me. I spotted that I ought to inform Mary how I felt.

Someday, I felt that I had a sure bravery, a bravery that I couldn’t have earlier than, the bravery to inform Mary how I felt about her. I decided. I made the choice to name Mary to inform her how I cared and felt about her. I known as her. I advised her how I cared and felt about her.

“I am unable to consider what you’re saying,” she stated on the telephone. “You may say what you actually wish to say.”

“If I needed to say what I actually wish to say,” I responded, “I’d say that I like you.”

She sang on the telephone. The way in which she sang made me notice that she was probably not . I stated goodbye to her. I hanged off the telephone.

I known as Jean, telling him that I had been calling Mary.

He stated, “I’ve been calling her as we speak too.”

“That’s nice,” I replied.

“I’m doing one thing proper now,” he stated, “so I’m going to name you tonight.”

“Okay,” I responded to him.

The connection between me and Mary didn’t disintegrate although she acted like she was probably not serious about me. Each day, I known as her, telling her how I cherished her. She at all times stated that she wasn’t able to be in a relationship. Nonetheless, that didn’t cease me from persevering with to inform her that I used to be able to spend the remainder of my life together with her or that she was the one one which my coronary heart and my soul wished.

I at all times known as Jean, my buddy. And I at all times advised him that I cherished Mary. He used to inform me that Mary advised him that she was not serious about me. Each time he stated that to me, I felt so unhappy. Nonetheless, I by no means felt so disheartened as a result of there have been different individuals who used to inform me that Mary advised them that she cherished me.

Someday, I sat someplace quietly, and I contemplated how I might use some persuasive statements to write down a letter to Mary so as to persuade her. After a few minutes, I took a bit of paper and a pen. I began writing a letter. Luckily, a whole lot of romantic and persuasive ideas got here to my thoughts, and it took me 4 hours to write down this letter. Whereas I used to be virtually ending writing the letter, I noticed Mary strolling on the road. I felt so blissful. I rapidly wrote the remainder of the letter. I gave her the letter. She took it. She smiled at me, and I smiled at her too.

I stated, “Thanks.”

“You are welcome,” she stated.

After two months, Mary wrote a letter to me. She talked about in her letter that she didn’t love me. She wished me to go away her alone. She went on to say that she wished me to cease calling her.

After I learn that letter, I used to be so burdened and pessimistic. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t research or do my homework. There have been occasions that I talked to my mom, to Jean, and to different individuals, and I used to inform them that I’d kill myself in the future. Sadly, none of them knew what I meant once I stated that. They at all times requested me if I used to be loopy. I at all times advised them that I’d try this for a motive. Sadly, they by no means took time to speak to me so as to recommendation me as a result of most of them thought that I used to be enjoying.

Someday, I felt so unhappy and uncomfortable. I known as Jean. Sadly, Jean didn’t reply the telephone. I attempted to sleep, however I couldn’t sleep. I attempted to eat, however I couldn’t eat. I attempted to observe TV so as to entertain myself or to ease my ache, however nothing labored. I didn’t know what to do. I requested myself, “What ought to I do?” After a few minutes, “I do not know what to do,” I stated. “I’m going to kill myself.”

I walked silently in my room after a few seconds. My room contained a whole lot of issues, and it was very giant and lengthy. The ground was coated with a black carpet. It had one door. On the correct facet of my room, there have been two televisions, three radios, one fridge, 4 mirrors, and one desk. On the left facet of my room, there have been two followers and one laptop. My mattress was in the course of my room. In entrance of my mattress, there was a gun, a 9minimeter, which we used for the protection of the home. I took it. I cocked it. I pointed it to my temple. I positioned my index finger, the killing finger, on the set off of the gun. I put my knees down. I closed my eyes to wish God. I prayed God to forgive me for all my sins and for the sin that I’m going to commit. Then I say Amen! I pointed the gun to myself. I positioned my index finger, the killing finger, on the set off of the gun. I put my knees down. I closed my eyes to wish God. I prayed God to forgive me for all my sins and for the sin that I used to be going to commit, which was the act of killing myself. Then I stated Amen! I shot myself. I heard, bow!

I head individuals crying. I used to be shaking on the ground. I felt that blood was passing by means of my noise and throughout my physique. I heard my mom crying of my loss of life. After some time, I went clean. I misplaced consciousness.

After I was again to life, I noticed myself laying down at a hospital mattress. Medical doctors and nurses had been throughout me. The medical doctors sew me and shove me again and out to save lots of my life.

I spent months on the hospital. I used to be meaning to shoot myself within the coronary heart, however could also be that I used to be too in hurry to shoot myself, or the emotion of the heartbreaking had been going loopy, so I couldn’t management myself; consequently, I shot myself as a substitute an inch away from my coronary heart, in between my coronary heart and my abdomen.

The shotgun didn’t keep inside my physique, however it handed out during my again and penetrated contained in the wall of the room. After I obtained out the hospital, I sat again in my room. I circled, and I noticed a giant gap that the shotgun has left within the wall.

My mom felt so confused. She got here to me. “What occurred?” she requested, “What’s fallacious?”

“I do not know,” I stated.

After a few minutes, I advised my mom the reality. I advised her what I did with the gun.

My mom took the gun. She opened the window of the room, and he or she threw the gun at a deep and gigantic river that handed throughout the home.

After a few minutes, I advised my mom the reality. I advised her what I did with the gun.

She checked out me desperately. “How do you assume that you’re not loopy,” she requested, “whenever you virtually killed your self, particularly over one thing trivial like that?”

“Typically we do some loopy stuff after we love somebody,” I responded to my mom as I used to be crying, “however that does not imply that we’re loopy. Love merely makes us blind, and we’re unable to observe what we would like. Nonetheless, our hearts and our souls select to observe what they need whereas our our bodies are unable to withstand or to manage this sense. Typically, although the one which our hearts and our souls need hurts us, we nonetheless cannot steer clear of that individual as a result of our hearts and our souls do not give us the prospect to try this, and our hearts and our souls say sure although generally our mouths say no. The center is what we have to survive. We’re obligated to please it. The soul directs the physique to the place it needs it. There’s nothing we will do.”

I checked out my mom, and I might see in my mom’s face a face of despair. She was extra determined after she heard that expression. Her eyes had been watering as she couldn’t consider that her solely son had virtually died.

“Sit down,” she stated to me with a voice filled with ache. “I wish to discuss to you.”

“Okay,” I replied.

“Do not do one thing like that anymore,” she stated. ” It’s best to at all times just remember to management your feeling. It’s important to love individuals who love you and be taught to maneuver on from those that do not. It’s important to sacrifice your self for people who find themselves able to sacrifice themselves for you. It’s important to assume earlier than you do sure issues in life. Do not forget that for the remainder of your life.”

I responded, ” Okay.”

After my mom left my room, “Thanks Jesus,” I stated. “I virtually killed myself.” I laid down on my mattress. I closed my eyes, and I considered how I virtually died. After a few minutes, I opened my eyes. I noticed the large gap within the wall, which I thought-about because the illustration of my loss of life. I spotted one thing, and I discovered from it. I discovered from what my mom advised me. I spotted that I mustn’t attempt to kill myself for Mary.

After a few minutes, I known as Jean. I advised him that I had virtually died.

“What’s fallacious?” he requested me.

I replied, “Nothing.”

“Are you okay?” he interrogated me.

“I’m good,” I stated. “If that didn’t occur, my mom would by no means educate me a lesson, and I’d by no means be taught from it.”

He questioned, “Do you wish to go on a discipline journey?”

“I wish to go,” I responded. “What date is the sphere journey?”

“The sector journey is subsequent month,” he stated. “I’ll choose you up.”

I stated, “Okay.”

He replied, “Bye.”

“Bye,” I stated.

I hanged off the telephone and turned off the sunshine in my room.

I stated to my mom, “Good evening.”

She stated, “You’re a loopy boy.”

“I’m not a loopy boy,” I responded.

She stated, “Good evening.”

I replied, “Okay.”

After a few days, I continued to use what my mom advised me. I by no means known as Mary. After I noticed her, I acted like I didn’t see her. I by no means talked to her anymore.

On a Saturday morning, Jean, my buddy, got here to select me up.

I requested him, “The place the sphere Journey goes to happen?”

“In a backyard,” he stated.

I replied, “Let’s go.”

Shortly, we walked on the highway. Once we arrived, we sat in entrance of a desk containing a whole lot of meals and beer. We had been speaking to one another about our private experiences and issues. Beside us, there have been different individuals who had been speaking too, and we couldn’t hear something they stated. At the back of us, there have been two statues. Additionally, there have been two males who performed with a snake. In entrance of us, there have been some youngsters who sat in entrance of a river, they usually performed with their pets and different creatures that they discovered within the river. That place was peaceable. Jean and I might solely hear the music of the birds singing their candy melodies whereas we had been speaking. Additionally, it was beautiful and unbelievable. It contained a whole lot of flowers, bushes, mountains, rivers, and animals. This place was often called Le Jardin de Paradis, which was located in Port-au-Prince, Haiti. Whereas Jean and I had been speaking to one another, he requested me, “How is Mary?”

I stated, “I do not know.”

“How you do not know?” he replied.

“Mary shouldn’t be in my thoughts anymore,” I stated. “It has been two weeks since I noticed her.”

He responded, “That’s not wonderful.”

After a few minutes, we sat quietly and checked out attentively the lads who performed with the snake and the youngsters who sat in entrance of the river that contained a whole lot of animals. It was a tremendous day. Many individuals took pleasure from listening to the candy melodies of the birds within the backyard. After some time, we went to sit down in entrance of the river the place the youngsters performed.

“You understand that Mary loves you,” stated one of many youngsters, just a little lady.

I stated, “You might be enjoying with me.”

“I’m not enjoying with you,” she replied.

Jean stated, “That sounds wonderful and attention-grabbing.”

“In fact, it’s,” I responded to him.

“What’s your identify?” I requested the little lady.

She stated, “My identify is Jenny.”

“How have you learnt that she loves me?” I requested Jenny.

She replied, “She advised my grandmother and me that.”

“Are you her niece?” I requested her.

She responded, ” Sure, I’m her niece.”

“How have you learnt that I’m the one which she used to speak to you and your grandmother about,” I questioned her once more.

She responded, “Typically, whenever you walked down the road, she used to level her finger at you and stated to me ‘ That is Roldens, the person whom I used to speak to you and my mom about. I like him. However I do not wish to inform him that proper now ‘. I used to chortle out loudly.”

I stated, “Okay.”

“If you wish to know if that’s true,” stated Jenny, “go discuss to her. She is in entrance of that statue.”

I hugged Jenny. I gave her ten {dollars}, and I stated thanks to her.

“I’m going to ask Mary if she loves you,” Jean, my buddy, stated.

“We must always go collectively,” I replied.

Jean and I went to sit down in entrance of the statue the place Jenny advised us to go; sadly, we didn’t see Mary.

The statue was of a younger man and a younger woman hugging and kissing collectively. They had been nude. Everybody might see the whole lot on their our bodies, however it was arduous to see their breasts and their personal components as a result of they had been hugging too tightly. The person was fairly tall, and the woman was fairly quick. Her hair was lengthy. The statue was in the course of a water jet. We took pleasure from enjoying with the water that got here out within the water jet.

Whereas Jean and I had been speaking to one another, we heard Mary speaking to her mom, however we didn’t know the place she was precisely.

After a few seconds, we remained quietly and listened attentively to what they stated.

“You understand that I like Roldens,” Mary stated to her mom. “I’m going to inform him how I really feel. I really feel lonely and wish somebody. Take a look at all these individuals. They’ve their intimate accomplice.”

“I really feel lonely too,” her mom replied. “Do not try this proper now.”

“I’m going to say that to him,” she stated to her mom once more. “My feeling for him begins getting stronger.”

“I’m going to say that to you once more,” her mom stated. “So as so that you can know if a man actually loves you, it’s important to take a while to rigorously analyze him.”

“I’ve been analyzing him for one yr and a half,” she stated to her mom. “Proper now, I ought to give him my coronary heart.”

“Do not try this proper now,” replied her mom. “Proceed to research him.”

“I’m going to proceed to research him,” she responded.

“Jenny did not lie,” I stated to Jean. “It is true that Mary loves me.”

“That’s true,” he replied.

I stated, “Let’s go.”

Whereas Jean and I had been strolling within the backyard, we noticed Mary and her mom. They talked to one another about me, however they didn’t see me.

“I am unable to wait to present Roldens my coronary heart,” Mary stated to her mom. “I like him.”

Her mom stated, “It’s important to take a while… “

As I stepped in, “Are you critical?” I curiously and all of a sudden requested Mary as I interrupted her dialog together with her mom. “Why you by no means inform me how you are feeling?”

Mary put her head down and stated nothing.

“Please discuss to me,” I stated to Mary.

“I like you Roldens,” replied Mary.

“Why you didn’t inform me that?” I stated. “It’s best to inform me that whenever you wrote the letter to me as a substitute of telling me one thing that just about made me commit suicide. Your letter precipitated me a lot ache.”

“I didn’t inform you that,” she replied as she was crying, “as a result of I used to be attempting to research you. I simply wished to know for those who actually cherished me.”

She closed her eyes. She considered one thing. After a few minutes, she hugged me and kissed me. She stated nothing, however she cried whereas she was kissing me.

Jean stated desperately, ” I hope that I’ll discover my lady in the future.” However he smiled suspiciously, and he checked out Mary and me attentively.

After a few hours, Jean advised me that Mary used to inform him the whole lot, however he couldn’t inform me the reality as a result of Mary didn’t need him to inform me that.

” I’m glad that I didn’t kill myself,” I stated.

Jean stated, “What you imply by that?”

“I’ll inform you. I’ll inform you,” I stated. ” I used to be attempting to kill myself as a result of Mary stated that she didn’t like me.”

“Suppose! Suppose! Suppose! Suppose earlier than you act, ” Jean stated. “Your story is an instance.”

We gone.

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